I'm putting this out there. Here goes. I have been in a struggle as of late. I can't say why it hits so hard and I can't say why it hangs on. Most of the time I can't tell you what has triggered it or why I feel that way at all. But I know I'm not the only one. What I can tell you during this time around is I’m stronger than I was. I praise more than I have before. Even when insecurities and hurt jump on me I have been faster to rebuke or pray or praise in the midst of it.
I'm better at functioning this time. I keep praying Lord let not my flesh take hold let me worship with abandonment and let me be broken to be rebuilt. That right there is probably the hardest thing I have prayed and He has. He has found me in the midst of a battle and in this battle He shows me the victory He shows me that I'm an overcomer He shows me that while being broken He is in the midst of rebuilding as I cry out.
I drew a picture last night. God kept showing me that I'm rising out. That there is light. He keeps showing me that my hand is breaking the surface in the middle of these waves. But I kept seeing an image of me still under the water holding onto my past my hurt. I can't say the image I kept having flashed in my head was the greatest. I can't say it's what I wanted to see. But it was a breath of fresh air to know where I am and to push forward because of the emotions it brought out in me. I showed a few people this photo because I just sat there crying last night. I got the sweetest and best responses from Marda saying she never would have thought. That is not how she saw me. That right there tells me I'm heading in the right direction that right there tells me I'm not living in my circumstances but that I am overcoming.
I did know that what was drawn was not who I am but more of where I felt I was right now. God shows us what we have done. My hand above the water. He was showing me I am making it that I am coming out. It was meant to be for comfort but in our flesh we see the situation we are in. Folks I'm here to tell you. You are not your situation! You are not so broken that he can't use you. Jesus uses broken people every day. I'm here to tell you stop worrying what the person next to you thinks and start talking to God and let him show you what he knows. I am more than a conqueror, I am an overcomer, I am the head and not the tail. I am not my circumstances. I am above and not beneath. I am loved and adored and one of his flock.
Lord today I praise you in the midst of the battle. I know there will be days that I will be at my lowest but you will always be by my side. I know that even if I stumble you have already given me the victory and you are always there to help me back up. Thank you Jesus for your victory. I know there are others out there that needed this message just as much as I did. So, I'm following my heart and I'm laying out there. I chose to be raw and lay my heart out instead of holding it in. though the sorrow may last for the night His joy comes in the morning, I'm trading my sorrows I'm trading my shame I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord, I'm trading my sickness I'm trading my pain I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord.
If you’ve got a song in your heart sing it out. Don't be afraid. I will be with you and I will sing it with you! May the joy of the Lord come and be my strength again. God bless you all. #myfatheristheKing #imanovercomer #jesuslovesme #myGodisbigger #iamnotmycircumstance